Random Dialouges
by Lady of the frozen black flame
Summary: What happens when Ginny goes away for the summer? What if hermione read girl mags? What if Harry was a sadistic killer? Find out in here! Please R'n'R.
1. soo what did I miss?

Disclaimer: I feel really special that you think my writing skills could match up to J.K Rowlings, really I am, but you have no logic, tragic…. STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT! (Is scared)

This is what will happen if Ginny Weasley went away from the summer and returned and met her friends on the Hogwarts express...

Ginny was so happy to be back in the magic world, because for all the holidays she been in muggle London with her host stay family.

Ginny hadn't seen any of her family not even on the train station, so she was looking for them in one of the train compartments.

"Hey Ron, Hey Harry, hey Hermione.." Ginny said estatically. Suddenly everyone went silent.

"It's not, Ron, its Ronald" Ronald said snidely. "It's not Harry its Harold" Harry said equally snidely.

"It's not Hermione it's Hermionold" Hermione said snidely.

"Yes… right.. Totally" Ginny said trying to cover the awkward silence. 

Suddenly they heard the compartment door open and she almost died of shock. A random man with almost white blonde hair came in with sunnies.

"What's up my home dogs," the random man greeted them. To which everyone but Ginny replied. "NO-thing man."

Ginny finally came out of shock, "OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT? IT'S HIDEOUS!"

The random guy takes of sunnies. "Oh it's you, well that explains it," when she saw that the man was Draco Malfoy.

Draco 'humphed' and put his sunnies back on. Ginny turns to the group and suddenly everyone has sunnies.

"Why do you guys have sunnies?" Ginny asked.

There was totally silence of shock. Hermione was the one to break the silence with, "OH. MY. GOD. Did she just say what she just said?"

To which Ron helpfully replied, "I think she did."

"OH. MY.GOD!" Harry said stunned and looked a bit appalled. Draco then hyper ventilates and between breaths he said, "I (breath) can't (breath) believe she (breath) said that," before bursting into tears.

"Don't worry, it's alright, alright, she didn't mean it." Ron comforted him while giving Ginny a death glare.

"What did I do, all I said was What's up with th—" Ginny was rudely interrupted by Hermiold, who was currently strangling her.

Severus Snape decided at that moment to ask a very important question.

"Dude, do guys have a lighter, weed or cigs?"

Hermionold promptly released her hold on Ginny and jumped up and down like a 5 year old girl getting her first trampoline. "I do, I do… would I get an O or house points if I gave you those?"

Severus Snape looked like he was getting severely snapped by the delay, "WHERE"S THE SMOKE!"

Hermionold looked hurt. "Haven't you heard of a thing called manners?"

"What the hell is that! " Severus looked thoroughly confused. Then he realized he hasn't got his cigs yet. "I'll be forced to take house points if you don't give me those smokes immediately!" Severus said looking like a crazed maniac.

Hermione looked scared, "I'm so sorry… please forgive me"

Severus looked like he had enough.. "WHERE ARE THE GOD DAMNED SMOKES? DO YOU WANT ME TO LOWER YOUR GRADES?"

Hermione then broke down and cried. " Please don't I'll try extra hard, I'll do extra projects, I'll help you in the class room, anything!"

Severus balled his fists and began quivering with rage before saying "Let's gather 'round the camp fire and sing our camp fire song, our c.a.m.p f.i.r.e. s.o.n.g. song, now where's my cigs?"

Ginny looked thoroughly confused. "Okay either I've gone officially insane or did Snape just sing the Camp Fire Song Song by Sponge Bob."

"Didn't you know? Everyone has a happy song that gets the out rage when they're angry" Harold quipped.

Hermionold got over her crying fit, and chucked a lighter and some cocaine and marijuana to him.

After the first puff he exclaimed, "Ten points to Slytherin!"

Ginny was once again thoroughly confused. " Hermione- I mean Hermionold is in Gryffindor, why did you give points to Slytherin?"

"Have you been living in a hole? I know the Weasley House isn't that far away from being a hole—but that's not the point!" Severus said looking severely snapped.

"What he is trying to say is that since all the Gryffindor had been dying, McGonagall used internet sorting and resorted us all." Draco informed her. 

Ginny was officially weirded out. " I see, so whose in which house?"

Ronald began listing immediately "Seamus and Dean are now in Hufflepuff, Lavender in also in Slytherin and Pavarti, or was it Padma? and Neville are in Ravenclaw."

Ginny was stunned (again) " Neville in Ravenclaw?"

Suddenly in a hypnotized voice Harold, Ronald, Hermionold, Severus and Draco droned "Hail the wise Neville" Ginny took a step back, "Um okay then.. what was I sorted into?"

Realisation dawned on Harold, Ronald, Hermionold, Severus and Draco huddled away from her.

"Um… you weren't sorted..." Harold informed her looking incredibly uncomfortable.Ginny said tired of the madness of it all said, "OH come ON! People! Not all Gryffindors are going to die!"

Suddenly a rain cloud appeared on Ginny's head and a lightning struck her on the head and she died.

A/N Okay I got the severely snapped from an author or artist, I forgot, I'm sorry.


	2. Hoemione

A/N. This came from looking at a picture of Hoemione and I'm listening to stupid girls so... This is the product of it ta da daaaaa

Hermione just arrived on the train in the nick of time due to the fact that she had to fit into her rags; I mean clothes… yes clothes.

She walks in her friend's compartment and they were talking animatedly. Harry turned to see who came in and screamed. "AHHHHH MY EYES THEY'RE SOILED!" For there was Hermione in a top that shows so much cleavage that it was a wonder how her boobs didn't fall out and a mini-shorts that was shorter than her undies.

Ginny who hasn't turned to look at Hermione yet says to Harry in a sweet tone. "Harry, you are so innocent."

She then turns to see who came in and yells, "aaaahhh my eyes"

Ron finally got the idea and turned to look at Hermione, in shock he says with red tinted cheeks, "wha... what happened Hoe- I mean Hermione?"

"Well because I read all those boring books that I owned and decided to read my sister's magazines and I got hooked and they showed me how to dress," adding a little giggle that ran down everyone's spine.

Draco Malfoy then randomly walks in, looking for little first years to torture, instead he got a eye full of Hermione. "What the hell! What happen to you mudblood?"

Hermione than advances seductively to Draco and whispered huskily, "What did you think happen, sexy" and proceeded to wrap an arm around him scaring the hell out of him. "Someone help me... PLEASE!"

Since Snape has super sonic hearing he came to the rescue or at least tried to. "What the hell? Miss granger, unhand Mr. Malfoy now!"

Hermione taking it the wrong way smirks evilly and says "Oh I see you want some of me too... don't worry there's plenty!"

Snape then turned paler, (to the shock of all students in the compartment) "WHAT! NNNNNNOOOO!"

"I know you want me.."

"Mummy..."

"WAIT!" exclaims Ginny I've got a plan. (she does take after Ron.. from Potter puppet pals)

"Hoe- I mean Hermione if you have um -it with Snape (everyone shuddered except hoemione) you'll gain 2 pounds!"

Hermione starts to hyperventilate "OH MY GOD OH MY GOD. I GAINED 2 PUONDS!"

"Quick chuck something that's not 'in' right now on her," Neville exclaims (in my fanfics people 'exclaims')

Ginny threw a hair ribbon on hoemione and waited for the results. Hoemione came to a standstill eyeing he ribbon before screaming her brains out. "AAHH It's a hair ribbon that so June... AAAHHHHH"

The trolley lady just happen to be doing her rounds and says that oh so famous line, "anything off the trolley, dears?"

"Oh. My. God... food... junk food..." In hoemiones' despair she starts running up and down the train and entering into random compartments and one compartment had n open window and she fell out the window. Then there was a big awkward silence.

Ginny, being the little silence breaker says, "Well that took care of that problem."

"A thousand kabillion zillion billion twenty thousand million zoomillion points to the trolley lady!" Snape declared.

Dumbledore then strolls in with the house cup and gave it to her. Everyone cheers and lived happily ever after (except for Hoemione who is dead).


End file.
